happy birthday to my dad

happy birthday to my dad.
he is one of my choicest blessings.

he is the one that taught me from isaiah that the Lord has the power to make an ugly thing beautiful. through the ugliness of our battle to be a family i have noticed many beautiful things. one of those is how close i have become to my dad. i feel like my dad still cares for me and loves me as dearly as he does in this photo when i was a week old. that's saying a lot knowing what kind of teenager i was.

(sorry about that, dad. lol)

i love you, dad.
you really are the best.

why can't some people have children?

walking through the airport earlier this week and seeing this article made me freeze in my footsteps. as someone who is sterile, there is something so callous and cold about it.

it made me angry.

people are obsessed (mostly infertile people) on why some people can have children (as many as they want) and why some cannot have as many as they would like (or any at all).

even the economists are saying they have the answer.

recently, a blog reader asked me something one of her friends asked her.

Why does God allow righteous women to miscarry or not be able to have children? I have friends who have experienced miscarriages, I have had several miscarriages, and I have many other friends who can't get pregnant. Why does God not allow righteous women the opportunity to have children while there are so many unwanted pregnancies around the world?

Doesn't it seem beyond unfair?

from what i read in The Economist, and i admit i could not stomach to spend too much time on it, the answer is the save the earth. (insert a hearty annoyed eye roll.)

my answer that i gave (which i will share later) was a little more spiritually based.

what do you think?
what would you tell this friend?

tyson's adoption day

happy adoption day to my big boy.

we are headed to whichever treat his 2-year-old mind can come up with.

i rewound 2 years from today and read my post about tyson's finalization. and sobbed.

from that post:

"could you please state for the court what it has been like to have tyson in your home?"

a split second video slide show of the doctor's office where we were told we were sterile, getting the initial email from nicole, meeting her, crying on the plane in denver when he was born, holding him for the first time, the tears in nicole's eyes at placement, the legal struggle to get home to utah, mr. r weeping as we held each other in the airport, our first night as a family, the giggles, the rolling over, the smell of tyson's hair ...all ran through my mind at lightning speed.



i love you, tys.
i am so lucky i get to be your mom.

Ashley's Scentsy Giveaway

how fun is this?

ashley is one of the r house sponsors. you can see her cute button on the right sidebar.

we were chatting recently and i confessed to her that i really knew knowing about scentsy other than it smells really, really good. after she picked herself up off the floor and several billion witty emails later, she offered to give me the above cuteness and three smelly wax burny thingies. i accepted and to my delight she brought over two.

one for me.
one for you.

in the past, something that kept me away from scentsy stuff was that it was burning wax. burning wax and two destructive, curious toddlers do not mix. ashley told me that the wax melts barely above body temperature. i stuck my finger in the the melted wax the other day and it really does not hurt. apparently, they use a low watt bulb to melt the wax so it's no flame and doesn't leave an soot residue.

sold.

i am currently burning honey pear cider. it's warm, autumnish and cozy. for those of you who are scentsy nuts (and i know you are out there with your scentsy stickers all over you cars) tell me, how in the WORLD do you ever choose a scent? ashley gave me a box of her samples to sniff through and let me tell you, i want to eat them all.

favorite scents?
which one should i try out?
is it wrong to "burn" a summertime scent in this holly warmer?
is there a scentsy code of ethics that i need to be aware of?
teach me.

anyway, whether you are a scentsy lover already or want to try something new, this giveaway is for you. ashley gave me just what she is offering to you:

a full-size scentsy warmer called "The Holly Warmer" (pictured above) and three packages of scentsy bars in the following flavors (is that what you call them? i am new here people! don't judge!): honey pear cider, toasted caramel sugar (which i heard you are not supposed to burn in the morning because it makes you ravenously hungry) and holly berry.

and because ashley is a doll and likes to surprise me and make me cry she says the following:

Order Promo: free shipping. – NOT loaded into website. Need to email order to ashley_n_raines@yahoo.com for sale. Payment can be made thru Paypal. Half of commissions for parties booked from giveaway goes to the sparkling Redferns :)

love her.

she adds:

Holiday Warmers are available in Full Size or Plug Ins. Hostesses for parties in November and December will receive a free holiday plug in warmer and a Scentsy three pack pictured below.

if you would like to enter this giveaway, here is what to do:

• just leave a comment
  
• include your email address in the comment.
  

extra entries available:

...leave an additional comment with your email address for each extra entry.

• follow my blog
  
• subscribe to the r house
• follow me on twitter (http://twitter.com/therhouse)
• tweet about this contest, using @therhouse in your tweet! (this can be done once per day.)
• become a member of Adoption Voices and add me as a friend.
  
• blog about this giveaway, linking back to this post (leave a link to your post in your comment)
  
• add my button to your blog
• email your family and friends about this giveaway (send the email to me too)

for example, if you are already a follower of my blog you would write in your comment:
"already a follower. here's my email: blahblahbla@whatever.com."

then if you tweet about this contest you would make an additional comment:
"tweeted about it today. here's what i wrote: check out this giveaway at the r house: {link to this post}. here's my email: blahblahbla@whatever.com."

and you would keep doing that for every chance you have to win.

don't forget to leave your email address so i can contact you should you win. entries will be accepted until tuesday, november 17, 2009 at 11:59 PM MST. the winner will be announced on wednesday.

and here is my attempt at an ftc disclaimer even though i am not really sure how it is supposed to work, but i don't want to get another email from my dad/brothers who are all, "you should be really careful. i don't think you made it clear enough." lawyers ...lol. i love them.

although ashley is a paid sponsor of the r house with a paid ad, she did not pay me to write this review. she did, however, give me a warmer and the same scent flavors she wanted to give away for me have and try out so that i could write about it. how's that?

bye-bye halloween

today i finally took the halloween decorations to the basement (although our jack-o-lantern is still rotting on the front porch). it's always a sad day to un-decorate, isn't it? i especially love halloween--the pretending, the excitement, the constant sugar buzz.

i had to force myself to decorate this year. on october first, when the decor came out, we were still waiting to hear from the judge on the verdict in our case--a time of waiting that i do not want to go back to. (although waiting for the appeal period to expire hasn't been a cake walk, it's not nearly as bad as hearing if the judge is on your side.)

i forced myself to dig through the boxes and pull out a little excitement that had nothing to do with a legal battle ...and to my surprise and delight, i really got into it this year! i think it has something to do with being in a house.

in addition to the decor we pull out every halloween, i added a few elements.

this darling felt sign from target (several years ago) used to hang in my classroom. it was one of the few items i took home with me when i retired.

to make it a little spookier this year, i added this ribbon that looks like spider webs on the ends.

speaking of ribbon...

i went a little crazy, but loved how it turned out. mr. r was like, "whoa ...that's ...festive." lol. the little boys and i loved it.

i love the face on this jack-o-lantern.
i love ugly-cute.


i love this little face of gavin-goodness too.
i love cute-cute.

this is tyson and gavin's little table. i tried to put a variety of textures on this table for them to play with and explore. the teacher in me, i guess. they played here a lot more than usual this season ...and gavin learned to sit in a chair.

below is still my fave halloween decoration.
that quirky little witchy thing is so cute.
well, ugly-cute.
like i said, i love ugly-cute.

adoption shirts for the kiddies.

we finally have all our childrens clothing available in the shop.

brings a tear to my eye.
especially the "i heart my birth mother" one.

r next boutique

click to enlarge.

we will be at pistol pete's mexican grill on saturday ready to handstamp whatever you would like. come and grab a quisadilla (random that it's at a mexican grill, right? lol!) and bring your christmas shopping list. we are all stocked up and ready to create.

p.s. the kiddie shirts and running shirts will be there too.

see you there ...right?

another reason i love open adoption

if we didn't have an open adoption with our birth mothers, i would never get to read such incredible things like this.

nicole and joniece continue to blow my mind. over and over and over again.

this is from joniece's blog:
if you are not an avid reader of her blog, repent and start now. you are in for a treat, my friends.

My letter to you.

As I was looking at my blog today, I thought of it's creation. WHY it was created. It was created for me? yes. Created for Gavin? yes. Created for curiousity about adoption? mhmm.

But more importantly it was created for any pregnant woman who has found herself in the less-than-ideal situation while being pregnant and is curious as to what her options are.

( Kind of like myself at one point)

Although there are many resources and links, none of them can compare to what I would truly say to them if I were having a face to face chat... So here is my best.

Dear "un-expecting" expecting mother,

I remember the day like it was yesterday.. I was on my knees sobbing repeating "My life is over." Nothing else was going through my mind at that point, other than the fact that I didn't believe what had happened... It was the day I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 years old, in school, and jobless. I was not even in an "actual" relationship with the birth-father at the time. "OH MY GOSH."

Adoption was never an option for me at first. It was an all or nothing type deal for me. Either I kept him or I was going to abort him. Afterall, there was no way I could have my child out there being raised by others. However, I couldn't tell my father.. It would upset and dissapoint him way to much. I was so confused on what to do! Not to mention my ex-boyfriend wasn't the most supportive... He begged me to get an abortion at first. And that my friend, is what I had planned on doing. Abortion... it was the only logical and easiest choice for everyone involved. Keeping in mind, I was raised and still am a catholic and that is against my religion... But really what other choice did I have.

I urge speaking to someone whose advice you trust greatly, whether it be a friend or a family member. I spoke to my best friend Chris. We had been best friends since 11yrs old and he always knew what to say, although this time.. he didn't really. He was sort of in shock... I honestly thought he would stop talking to me because of the choice I had made, but he didn't.. he assured me he loved me and wouldn't stop being my friend. He asked me what I was going to do and I told him I had no Idea, but was thinking about abortion. He told me he didn't agree with that option but would love me no matter what. Chris then told me about how his brother and sister-n-law had adopted and she could give me more information about it. ( I knew this beforehand as well) I told him okay, but honestly still shrugged off the idea of adoption. The main thing I got from our conversation is, "he told me to pray, just pray for the answer." And i did exactly this. I prayed for god to give me the answer to what I was supposed to do and make it clear to me.. Within the next couple of day I could see his answer start to un-ravel. I no longer wanted an abortion.

My ex and I had decided to parent without being in a relationship and just share responsibilities. How sad was this? My baby was going to not only be raised in a broken home, but born into one. I could deal with that fact at the time though. My relationship or lack-thereof with my ex was horrible. Before and during my pregnancy there were encounters that went from verbal arguements and abuse to physical. This was the deal breaker for me.

I could handle my baby being born to parents who were not together, but I would not stand for him being born and part of an abusive family. I then made the hardest decision I've ever made.. Parenting was not the option for my baby & I. I wanted him to grow up in a loving and nurturing family. One who would read together, sing together, pray together, eat together and overall love together. That was the important thing..LOVE. I wanted him to have it all because of how much I already loved him. Not that my family couldn't love him or didn't do those things.. I ASSURE you they wanted him just as much as I did. But it was about him.. and his parents.. and siblings and his life. I mean this is not just a choice for when he is a baby. It's making a choice for his WHOLE life, the life I wanted him to lead while on earth.

Adoption made this possible. I made it possible.

I'm not going to sugar coat it and tell you all of it is rainbows and butterflies, because it wasn't and still isn't a year plus later. It's hard. VERY hard. The hardest thing I've ever done. But it was MY choice. and it was the RIGHT choice for my baby & I.

That's all I want you to get out of this, it is YOUR choice. No one else's. (I REPEAT "NO ONE ELSE's") You are the only one carrying your baby. I can't sit here and say adoption is the right choice for every single person, every single scenario. But I want you to know it is an option and a good one at that. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

"No choice you make for yourself, is the wrong choice"- Sal Loya ( a very wise man *wink*)

YOU ARE STRONG.

just remember this.

it is what got me by.

Sincerely,

Joniece

ps.

If you ever need to talk about anything or have any questions PLEASE PLEASE email me at

loyjoniece@aol.com. It's available 24/7 haha.