article: "O Remember, Remember"

image by kim orlandini, who else?

how annoying has my blog been recently?
it might be because i feel annoyed a lot recently. but, it's still annoying to both be annoyed and to only write about annoyances.

it seems all i have been writing about is my frustration, r uncertainty and my hurt feelings. i am sorry. no one likes to read that over and over.

not even me.

perhaps it is the reason i have been avoiding my computer like an estranged friend. (sorry about that, stella. i still love you dearly. forgive me?)

the truth is that there are many wonderful things going on at the r house right now. the big things are still a mess, but there is a mess of little things we are going to focus on until they seem big.

i remember a couple of months ago going on a date with mr. r. we try to do that at least 3 times a month. i have found that it's helpful in staying close to one another even in times of adversity when all i want to do is cry and be a loner. he had just listened to me spiral into a vortex of gloom and said, "there are some great things happening too. not a lot, but they are there."

i looked at him with tears and begged, "i need you to help me remember them." we spent the next little while chatting about things that were good.

things that bring us joy.
things that prove that Father is in the details of our lives.

i have decided i am going to start writing them down. after all, like president eyring, i too feel that Father has told me, "I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down." although i will probably do it in the little black journal that sits next to my bed, i am going to kick it off here. every night, like president eyring, i am going to ask myself this question and record the answers:

“Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?”

yes.

God has blessed me with a patient, logical, hilarious and family oriented husband. he puts us first. always. although the last few days have been rough, he always has a fun plan to help our little family grow closer and stay strong--from spraying us with the hose as we enjoy the lush greenness of our grass to literally running down the street with the babies in the stroller to catch the ice cream man and get us all treats to leading us in a spontaneous primary song sing-a-long to making sure we have FHE.

he's not perfect, but he is perfect for me.
i adore him.

i have felt the hand of God touch my heart and calm my anger this week. i won't go into more details than that, but the rage is gone and acceptance (or at least being slightly less upset about it) is creeping in. i am now able to talk about the experiences of last week without crying angry tears. that didn't come from me, you know. that was a miracle.

we have supportive families and dear friends who rally around us when things are barfy and are outraged when we are treated unfairly, sad when we hurt, hopeful when we rejoice. they have been tremendous over the last three years of ups and downs.

and most importantly, tyson's adoption is final. he is part of our forever family and gavin is still with us. although the light that we once saw at the end of the tunnel has been snuffed out, gavin's adoption is in the works and in the very long run, he will be ours forever.

when i count my blessings or the miracles in my life, i cannot even go there without thinking about the placement day of both of my kids. i have never seen a greater act of love. i have never been more humble, reverent and grateful than i was on those days. to nicole and joniece, i know our Heavenly Father loves you and is blessing and will continue to bless you for the sacrifices you have made. we pray for you several times everyday. your boys pray for you. we adore you. please know we love you more than we are capable of expressing and wish you could come over for dinner tonight.

president eyring talks about the benefits that come from this kind of activity in his october 2007 general conference talk.


"O Remember, Remember"

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.

My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. You remember that song we sometimes sing: “Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him.